Request for Review: A Poem

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by tk, May 13, 2005.

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  1. tk

    tk New Member

    Jazakum Allah khair for the kind comments, wal Hamdu lillah. If anyone does wish to give any suggestions for improvement I'll be more than happy to take them. Insha Allah I intend to submit this to a local Muslim newspaper [here in Canada] soon and can only re-edit prior to that.

    was salamu alaykum.
     
  2. abu Hasan

    abu Hasan Administrator

    wa alaykum as salam.

    your effort is commendable. we hope to enjoy more of your creative works in the future too, inshaAllah. it is the intention, the spontaenity and love that should guide your expression instead of mechanical rhymes and meters. some people can talk about such constructions and probably make good critics but they can hardly do anything creative, original or worthwhile (like myself, for instance).

    please do not feel bad if such passionless and anesthetic folk analyze your work. heed not their unkind comments and keep up the good work.

    ---
    imam ahmed rida whose poetry is incredibly rich and eloquent ends one of his odes - which is incidentally among his most musical and complex ones - in these words, making the point thus:

    sanā e sarkār hai wazifah, qubūl e sarkār hai tamannā
    na shāýiri ki hawas na parwā, rawī thi kyā kayse qāfiye the


    to praise my master is my pray’r; his acceptance i crave -
    not after mere verse i hanker; nor rhyme or meter care
     
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2008
  3. abu nibras

    abu nibras Staff Member

    assalam`alaikum,

    alhamdulillah it is a very nice effort and may Allah reward you for that, as far as review goes, I am not qualified for that, there are others on this forum who are.

    was salam.
     
  4. tk

    tk New Member

    as salamu alaykum,

    I'm new to this forum and just have a request for your service, jazakum Allah khair. I had written a poem in praise and remembrance of the Beloved Prophet [sallAllahu alaihi wa sallam] and wished for others to review it, I also intended to share it locally where I live. However, I don't actually know much about poetry, rules, or measures to follow and would really appreciate if someone could please review it for me or offer any advice. I understand and accept that there most probably are mistakes in the poetry or grammar [not sure about commas placed and the different tenses used]. It was mainly of course an attempt to express love and praise for the Prophet [saw], not really to compose a piece that strictly followed poetic rules [which I don't know]. I tried to follow different rhyming patterns or tried to maintain a certain syllable count in various sections or lines. Also, some lines in the poem required an explanation note so that was added to the end originally, but for now I would like to post just the poem itself. Just a basic attempt, the mistakes are mine. May Allah make it of benefit, wal Hamdu Lillah.

    [*please keep it on this forum*]

    Recall the Days of God
    In Praise of our Beloved – sall Allahu ‘alayhi wa ‘ala Aalihi wa Sahbihi wa sallam.


    [align=justify:6fd7505d89]Recall those events oft above comprehension,
    Days from the Days of God subtly in preparation.

    Set in place almost furtively, for without uncertainty,
    Time would come for the Prophecy of the Best of Creation.

    Lose not sight of our Beloved forthcoming,
    Like the full moon, so beautiful and gleaming.

    Its beauty out of our sight by the day’s happenings,
    Such are those Days, like reminders overshadowing.

    When the day has passed the brightness is always setting,
    Giving way to the moon that is in darkness illuminating.

    In amongst those Days came the Message descending,
    To the Prophets who spread and were yet foretelling.

    Recall the Messenger [a] conveying to his Nation,
    For then he [saw] was mentioned by his appellation,

    Glad tidings of a Messenger, the Praiseworthy to come…

    [see Qur'an, 61:6]

    Nations were told and many a one were expecting,
    For the Seal of the Prophets would be impending.

    May Allah bless and grant peace
    Our Beloved Muhammad, forever and endlessly.

    Recall the sacred land without people in sight,
    Our Lady Hagar [as] and newborn in that plight.

    Seven times in flight, then assistance intervened,
    Blessed water was manifest and the Jurhumites.

    It was no normal day but all from God’s Might,
    For His Beloved would be born in near site.

    May Allah bless and grant peace
    Our Beloved Muhammad, is by momentous birth Makki.

    Recall Abraha from Yemen rising for avengement,
    His fate would signify our Beloved’s commencement.

    The year was marked and distinguished for his [saw] advent,
    For all would recall the conceited ones and colossal event.

    Revelation itself relates of that Day,

    ‘Have you not seen how thy Lord did with the Men of the Elephant?’
    ‘Did He not make their guile to go astray?’

    ‘And He loosed upon them birds in flights,
    ‘Hurling against them stones of baked clay […]’


    Never forget the Year for his birth was above that incident,
    It was not mere chance or only coincidence,
    The illuminating Prophet was born with grand significance!

    May Allah bless and grant peace
    Our Beloved Muhammad, is by noble lineage Hashimi.

    Recall his station from the signs of Prophecy,
    His [saw] father was seen by the mark of lambency.

    Nurtured by Lady Halima and her Family,
    By his [saw] blessing came abundance and prosperity.
    And in that youth he [saw] was bestowed with purity.

    The righteous saw his Prophethood quite apparently,
    While from the heavens a cloud followed timidly.

    Recall his noble conduct and character of grandity,
    Before revelation and even after their incredulity.

    Every day he [saw] showed a glimpse of his quality,
    Indeed, Lady Khadija had found in him real honesty.

    Such character in that age of vice and immorality,
    Recall the precinct when they arose in hostility.

    Yet in his [saw] presence there was only serenity,
    For they could only say, al-Amin, ‘the trustworthy!’

    May Allah bless and grant peace
    Our Beloved Muhammad, by his grandeur accordingly.

    Recall the Makkan persecution and his [saw] emigration,
    For in that plot the disbelievers were vainly united.

    God Almighty informed the Prophet by revelation,
    Their sights were blocked from the stride of our Beloved.

    The truthful friend [r], informed, was weeping with exultation,
    With God as their Third that company was protected.

    To the Cave they took and avoided coming affliction,
    Yet the disbelievers saw the wild and retreated.

    Beyond that they could not see nor come to comprehension,
    Tree set, web woven, and doves for the Best of Creation!

    Giving life to Yathrib, to Tayba was their destination,
    With that rejoice, their presence is to our gratification.

    May Allah bless and grant peace
    Our Beloved Muhammad, is by blessed life Madani.

    All endeavours for praise cannot truly grasp reality,
    As it was said, people are as stones while he [saw] is a Ruby.

    Miracles at his [saw] blessed hand, by power of God Almighty.
    Thirsting army in his command, and water flowed wondrously.

    A poisonous offering planned, they invited him [saw] readily.
    Yet God’s plan was suitably grand; the meal spoke revealingly!

    Lastly recall that final scene, and attach yourself lovingly.
    For that will perhaps redeem, a life lived so heedlessly.

    Our Beloved forever so keen, ‘my Nation!’, he cried so worriedly,
    Our deeds and state obscene, we will be shamed while in servility.

    He [saw] is the Beloved to intercede, granted a station praiseworthy.
    For us, before God he [saw] will plead, on such a Day so beneficently!

    The reality we have to take heed, holding on to his Legacy.
    To quibble and strife do not concede, such love comes inculpably,
    For God and His Messenger precede, while serving submissively.

    By love and not only by deed, all hope is in God’s Mercy.
    In truth, this servant is in need, my state yet in poverty.

    May Allah bless and grant peace
    Our Master Muhammad, is my Beloved, Habibi…

    Recall the Days of the Creator, reminders to comprehend.
    And Praise be to God forever, from the beginning to the end.[/align:6fd7505d89]
     

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