Entitled son-in-laws

Discussion in 'Tasawwuf / Adab / Akhlaq' started by Surati, May 30, 2021.

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  1. Surati

    Surati Active Member

    We need to think about where to draw the line. Culture should not be impeding on people’s rights, cause harm/hurt and psychological stress to people.

    And culture goes both ways - it is not just about the people who are slaving away and trying their best to please someone, it’s also about the person who is receiving. Should they not have basic manners and consideration?

    Culture that allows you to take advantage of people would and should not fall under that criteria. If we take every culture and make it religion then we’ll sooner or later become like Christians.
     
  2. FaqirHaider

    FaqirHaider اللَه المقدر والعالم شؤون لا تكثر لهمك ما قدر يكون

    How can we navigate these issues as we have a maxim:

    المَعْرُوفُ عُرْفًا كَالمَشْرُوطِ شَرْطًا
    ...
    مَا لَمْ يخَالِفْ نَصًّا
     
  3. AbdalQadir

    AbdalQadir time to move along! will check pm's.

    This is the effect of hindu culture dominating people's homes. Pakistanis too for all their liberation from hindu India couldn't purify themselves from the evils of this domestic hindu culture of dowry and girls side in-laws bending in honor of the guy's side. (yup that's what 'buzurgon ne kaha hai' - 'damad ke aage jhukne Ka riwaj hai')

    Muslim culture on the other hand makes sure no one side is humiliated in front of the other, in any matter.

    In general in Arab culture it is frowned upon for the man to expect, much less solicit favors from in-laws the kind desi damads expect/demand!

    our desi ulema are to blame for this thing - writing off ground reality to fiqh technicality in the name of 3urf.
     
  4. Surati

    Surati Active Member

    It is very common in subcontinent culture for son-in-laws (damad) to expect to be treated like absolute royalty just because they are married to the daughter of the house. Some damads feel so entitled that they expect that their in-laws rush to serve them and provide them with the best quality of food, amongst other things.

    Anything that is not up to their standards will be met with a complaint without consideration for the efforts and feelings of others. In-laws walk on eggshells with such damads and feel like they can’t say anything back. They often have no choice but to up with anything the damad does for fear of backlash with their daughter.

    This is extremely bad behaviour. Yes, you’ve got their daughter, but this shouldn’t be an unspoken leverage against your in-laws. It doesn’t mean that you now have a license to act with arrogance and walk around with a sense of entitlement.

    Act well towards people and get off your high horse. Have some consideration for others. One day you’ll be a father/brother in-law too.
     

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