I always thought that a good solid marriage is based on a good friendship. Opening up, being honest and being able to be vulnerable is key, yet we have ample examples around us where this doesn't happen and people endure sour lives. If a man does do all of this: "provide a roof over her head, feed her, clothe her... protect and care for her... spend time with her and give her emotional support when she needs it". Wow! ماشاء الله why wouldn’t any woman want to submit to and obey such a man? What could ever come out of that except for loyalty and enduring love and devotion? Yet, some men and women think that taking care of each other's needs is a chore, a burden. The husband is the leader and final decision maker, no denying. Obeying their husbands even if it against them or they don't understand it, such is the devotion of a wife who truly loves and submits to her husband. But we are also emotional and soft creatures. We know that you are not obliged to include us at all if you so wished, but you telling us of your thought process or even just a "hey what do you think?" means the world to us. It really does makes us feel loved, involved, and that our husband cares for us instead of him just making decisions unilaterally. We will obey you even if you impose the decision on us, but it is extremely hurtful to be left out of major decisions which impacts both lives. We want our husband to lead us by being vulnerable from a place of authority, by communicating clearly whilst showing grace and understanding of our subtle nature, not to rule with an iron fist. It's easier to lead by imposing, but you miss out on real opportunities - to hear a different point of view and what's coming from your wife's heart. "The best leaders have a high consideration factor, they really care about their people". I think the most important thing in all of this is to remember that both husband and wife are human. We all have moments of weakness, uncertainty, fear, pain, sadness. We all have lapses in our judgment. It could be that the husband decides to go with his opinion instead of his wife's but it turns out to be not a favourable one, it could also be that he seeks her counsel and goes along with her idea but it turns out that she was wrong. These things happen. If he agrees with his wife's viewpoint and takes the final decision accordingly but the outcome turns out to be unfavourable or not as expected, then he can't turn around and blame his wife: "I took the decision but you made me do this. It was your agency." This can easily spiral to more unpleasantness. "The true test of leadership is how well you function in a crisis." Similarly, if he decides not to take her opinion on board because his seems to be the sounder one at the time, then she shouldn't blame him no matter what the outcome is. Sure, hindsight always helps to gain a better perspective and they can discuss what didn't go so well, what could have been done differently and how they can both learn from the experience but they shouldn't be contemptuous, make cutting remarks and point blaming fingers at each other because they didn't get a desired outcome. Ultimately, it always helps to have your spouse in your corner. When your spouse is ready to overlook mistakes and faults (because no one is perfect), and is someone who will have your back when it comes to decisions and their outcomes, this gives incredible strength and courage. What a support! I hope I am correct in my understanding of this. May Allah grant us good spouses who will be a source of comfort for us.