The wife, the daughter in law

Discussion in 'Tasawwuf / Adab / Akhlaq' started by Aqdas, Jun 9, 2019.

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  1. Aqdas

    Aqdas Staff Member

    When a wife comes into her husband's home, she must have the right mindset and attitude. She must know the rights of her husband and the rights that his family in turn have upon him. She must internalise the fact that the person who has the greatest right upon her is her husband whilst the greatest right upon him is that of his mother.

    His mother raised him for 20+ years. She nurtured him, fed him, clothed him and sacrificed her own youth for him. It is her who spent sleepless nights when he was ill and her who cleaned up every time he made a mess.
    Naturally, she will be the closest to him and his relationship with her is a unique one.

    When she sees a new woman in his life, she might feel insecure. So don't play on that. Rather, understand it. When you enter his home, don't make it your mission to make him only yours by distancing him from his family, especially mother. It's a recipe for disaster.

    Always exhort him to fulfil his parents' rights and to consult them on matters. Your encouraging him to stay close to them will get noticed and can only work in your favour. Your husband will love you more for it and the mother in law won't have the complaint of a toxic daughter in law.

    The daughter in law should view her mother in law as her own mother and treat her as such. If she happily served her biological mother, then she should do the same with her husband's mother - for his sake. If she cares for her husband, she must care for those he cares for. Imagine how a husband would feel if his wife doesn't have any regard for the woman who bore and raised him?

    Daughters in law might themselves have brothers who are married. How do they want their own mother treated by their brothers' wives? It is unfair to expect your own brothers to be subservient to your mother but for you to want your own husband to not have the same relationship with his mother.

    If small issues do arise, think that my mother in law is my mother and can give me advice on how to do things better. Don't immediately start an argument and say that your mother in law is oppressive. If your biological mother can advise you, then so can your mother in law.

    One major issue with mothers in law is their insecurity and jealousy of a daughter in law. So the daughter in law must fight fire with water, not fire. Make the mother in law feel that she hasn't lost her son, not at all; rather she has retained her son and has in fact got another person who will help him fulfil his obligations upon his mother.

    Be sincere and pure hearted. Don't walk into his home with the mission of trying to rule over him and wrecking his relationship with his family. Acknowledge that every person has their own rights and don't try to usurp any of them.

    One day, you too will have sons, if Allah Wills. How would you want them to treat you once they're married? Treat your mother in law the same as you would want to be treated by your own bahu.

    What goes around, comes around. Fear Allah and don't be a home wrecker.
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2019
    Unbeknown likes this.

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