100 things to teach your son

Discussion in 'Tasawwuf / Adab / Akhlaq' started by Aqdas, Dec 20, 2022.

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  1. Aqdas

    Aqdas Staff Member

    1. Nothing takes precedence over Allah ta'ala and His Messenger ﷺ.
    2. Never abandon the way of Alahazrat
    3. Stand when you shake hands with your father or ulama.
    4. Kiss the hands of your parents, grandparents and leading ulama.
    5. When you're about to eat, invite those who are in the house.
    6. Stand when your teacher enters.
    7. Give and take with the right hand.
    8. Say your full name when asked and do not anglicise it. Say it as you do at home.
    9. Don't throw anything towards an elder. Give it in their hand.
    10. Keep a secret.
    11. Dress how you want to be treated.
    12. Be on time.
    13. Treat your wife how you want your daughter treated.
    14. Shake hands firmly.
    15. In the company of elders, listen more, talk less.
    16. Don't interrupt. Let people finish talking.
    17. Chew with your mouth closed, quietly.
    18. If someone pays for you, you pay next time.
    19. Treat others how you want to be treated.
    20. Check the mirror before leaving home.
    21. Speak your own language at home.
    22. Apply perfume.
    23. Uncles and aunts are like parents.
    24. Give to your daughter first.
    25. Pick up your own plate.
    26. Don't look around other people's homes.
    27. Don't go somewhere uninvited.
    28. Learn Arabic.
    29. Go to the masjid at least once a day.
    30. Give up your seat for someone older.
    31. Eat with the person who's sat alone.
    32. Keep eating until your guest is finished.
    33. Appear joyous when a guest is at your home.
    34. Buy from the shop that's less busy.
    35. Don't let your parents use public transport. You drive them.
    36. You and what you own belong to your father.
    37. Don't do anything in life that you have to lie about.
    38. The first priority for charity are poor relatives.
    39. Learn to cook.
    40. Help your wife with chores.
    41. Do a voluntary job at the masjid.
    42. Learn tajwid.
    43. Leave a room how you found it.
    44. Don't overstay your welcome.
    45. Your father in law and mother in law are like your parents.
    46. Don't call someone a name they don't like.
    47. Don't remind someone of an embarrassing incident.
    48. Don't take a photo of someone without permission.
    49. Get a good night's sleep.
    50. Put your phone down at home and when around others.
    51. Read daily.
    52. Don't use social media.
    53. Minimise watching TV.
    54. Maintain relations as your relatives have rights. Even if a relative doesn't fulfil your rights, you fulfil theirs.
    55. Accept an invite.
    56. A man is on the religion of his friends. Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.
    57. Face people when speaking to them.
    58. Make ablution at home.
    59. Knock before you enter a room.
    60. Give and accept gifts.
    61. Smile.
    62. Quieten the sneeze, cover the yawn, muffle the belch.
    63. Say please and thank you.
    64. Hold the door open for people.
    65. Apologise when wrong.
    66. Don't work weekends.
    67. Name children after prophets and the pious.
    68. Play a physical sport.
    69. In a pandemic, don't shake the hands of elders. They're more vulnerable. Put the hand on your chest instead.
    70. If you borrow a car, refuel it.
    71. Make salam when you enter the home.
    72. Do not dip fingers into food. Only the chapatti should touch the curry.
    73. Open the car door for elders and sometimes your wife too.
    74. If you do a favour upon someone, forget it. If someone does a favour upon you, remember it.
    75. There are people so poor the only thing they have is money.
    76. Your older brother is like a father.
    77. Try your best, the result is with Allah ta'ala.
    78. Pray Istikharah.
    79. Talk to people on their level.
    80. Treat the poor with respect.
    81. Build emotional intelligence.
    82. Return a missed call from someone you know.
    83. Do not put socks on wet feet.
    84. Eat with the family.
    85. No TV during food.
    86. Arguing with a fool proves there are two.
    87. Mind your own business.
    88. There is no concept of old people's homes in Islam. It is your obligation to look after your parents.
    89. Don't prepare another morsel until you've swallowed the last.
    90. Leave the home with your head covered.
    91. No TV in bedroom.
    92. Start with elders.
    93. Don't touch your teeth on the spoon.
    94. Share.
    95. Practice chivalry.
    96. Men are the protectors and caretakers of women.
    97. Feminism is a disease.
    98. Don't forsake your Islamic teacher for your pir.
    99. Do not have a private conversation with someone when a third person is present.
    100. Don't think you know everything. Perspectives and opinions can change over time.
    Hanafi Sunni likes this.
  2. AbdalQadir

    AbdalQadir time to move along! will check pm's.

    This is super masha Allah:

    Thought of another one:

    There is no such thing as a verbal commitment in real life. Count yourself lucky if written commitments are honored!
  3. Abdullah91

    Abdullah91 Active Member

    Do not have a private conversation with someone when a third person is present.
    Don't look in the mirror too much. Only when required.
    Don't advise your father unless he asks.
    Don't think you know everything. Perspectives and opinions can change over time.
    In certain things it is better to ask the elder who has experience/wisdom than a younger person who has knowledge only.
    When things go wrong blame yourself first and not others.
    Blaming yourself makes you powerful. Blaming others makes you weak.
    Aqdas, AbdalQadir and uk7866 like this.
  4. Alf

    Alf Active Member

    Sorry brother, I wrongly assumed the story was well known and so didn't elaborate. My late father had narrated it to me when I was still a teenager. I am pretty certain he read it in some Tablighi Jamat endorsed book. GF Haddad had once cited the story on a website but I didn't save it. I'll try to get the reference for it and post it here later.
  5. Khanah

    Khanah Veteran

    The corollary of no.76 is that your younger siblings are like your children. Therefore take care of them (as in, be responsible for them, help them, educate them and make sacrifices for the family ahead of them). Of course, the younger ones should appreciate and try and follow the example set
  6. shahnawazgm

    shahnawazgm Veteran

    About time the admin updates the count in the title! Or rather remove it altogether.
  7. uk7866

    uk7866 New Member

    I like the being decisive one but it's also important to not fall into the sunken cost fallacy.
  8. AbdalQadir

    AbdalQadir time to move along! will check pm's.

    which man, which christian, what downfall? any references brother?
  9. Alf

    Alf Active Member

    A question I had been wanting to ask for a long time: Are we supposed to look at kuffar with pride? I remember reading on this forum that looking at a kafir weakens the iman but looking at him with pride strengthens it. In light of that how do we understand the story of the man whose thoughts of superiority on seeing a Christian led to his downfall?
  10. AbdalQadir

    AbdalQadir time to move along! will check pm's.

    Always use miswak

    Always do silat rahim with Sunnis

    Never sleep after Fajr, start your day right after it

    Do qaylula if you can

    Be decisive - make decisions reasonably fast or within deadlines, with the information you have at the moment, stick to them, right or wrong, and take the consequences on the chin (non-deeni matters of life). Analysis paralysis and the ensuing inaction is a much greater calamity than doing something wrong and regretting it later. Your job is only to try your best. The rest is qadr and rizq, and life and death, and it is up to Allah. You simply can't and won't escape your destined qadr, rizq, illness/health, and death. (Age 8 and up)

    Related to above - always read Salat Istikhara - even if only once and even if you see nothing in a dream to aid your decision making. Istikhara is more than just seeing positive or negative dreams on the matter. It is beseeching Allah for Divine Help and will ALWAYS work to your advantage, in ways you cannot imagine. (Ages 13 and up)

    As a rule of thumb - rules of thumbs, first impressions, and gut feelings generally do work (non-deeni matters). People even go to the extent of saying they're inspirations from Allah. (Ages 13 & up)

    Islam trumps all nationalism and culture including modern whitewashed Arab culture, as well as 'regular' desi culture, notwithstanding the liberal desi culture of the pakistanis or the hindu-Muslim bhai-bhai culture of the indians. A Nigerian or Indonesian Sunni Muslim is more important to you than a desi ismaili or qadiani or a rotten devbandi. (Age 2 and up). Political nationalism should have no place in your heart or home.

    Never consider a semi-"hijabi" for marriage, especially if she's "career-oriented" and/or an expert on "the fiqh of my rights" and/or "loves the dawah scene". A down to earth but outright non-hijabi Muslim who just happens to work at the check-out counter at the supermarket and knows how to behave like a lady is a much lesser evil than such fitnah-mongering "hijabi dawah girls". (Age 10 and upwards, teach your son to be "judgmental", "biased", "quick to judge" towards all liberal Muslims, and to judgmentally look down upon kuffar, both male and female; at the same age, your daughter should be taught to be curt and straight forward in talking to Muslim men in the markets etc., and to look down upon kafir men as well as women, especially their men)

    Stand up for authentic Shariah and staunchly oppose the "regular" desi culture in matters of purdah, marriage and family traditions etc., even if something is fi-nafsihi mibah. a lot of mufti sahiban do not want to invite the ire of the masses and will bring this point in (example, willingly giving daughters dowry), however that fi-nafsihi mibah thing will almost always lead to some or the other stupid hinduized ritual or hinduized fitnah or dalalah; or as we have seen in the case of indian Muslims, it has even granted them opportunities to meddle in our internal matters. there are not too many fi-nafsihi mibah cultural aspects of the subcontinent that are completely void of hindu influence. (even something as simple as agarbatti)

    Present day naatkhwans are NOT your friends - NEITHER are peers - ONLY those ulama are who teach you Sunni aqidah and religious sciences, above and beyond the well known fazail, karamat, and wahabi-bashing.
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2022
    Aqdas and Mohammed Nawaz like this.
  11. uk7866

    uk7866 New Member

    Aqdas likes this.
  12. Aqdas

    Aqdas Staff Member

    I'll expand this list but this is a start. I feel teaching kids etiquette in an increasingly depraved society is the need of the hour.

    Add your own.
  13. Aqdas

    Aqdas Staff Member

    Updated list below.
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2022
    Abdullah91, uk7866 and abu Hasan like this.

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