Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'General Topics' started by Surati, Mar 24, 2021.
Maulana Ilyas Qadiri on the importance of forgiveness and reconciliation
An upwards trend in young people nowadays is that they expect full alignment in temperament, personality, character and outlook on life.
Because of this I-need-100%-or-else-I’m-bouncing-mentality, we see so many marriages break down. No one is willing to work on their marriage anymore.
Marriage problems are very nuanced and their solutions can’t be generalised. People should seek professional help or an external mutually agreed third party to help mediate if things have become too difficult (more often than not our close friends and family are biased even if they may claim impartiality - some even add fuel to the fire and cause divorce to be precipitated instead of encouraging reconciliation. Astaghfirullah).
Divorce is an absolute catastrophe, it is deeply painful for everybody involved. People should learn to take responsibility for their actions as divorce has consequences beyond the spouses. The breaking of a family unit affects the well-being of a lot of people.
I feel like young people nowadays just get divorced at the first sign of hardship. In order for marriage to do its job, it needs longevity, commitment and security. “Half of your deen” is certainly not fulfilled on the wedding night.
When you are committed to your spouse and them to you, you can trust that they won’t leave when you make a mistake. You can be yourself with no facades. You can change and grow for the better. We need to learn the lessons that marriage has for us. Be happy with good enough. If you have a spouse who prays 5 times a day, is your friend, is forgiving and will ask for forgiveness, is loyal, committed to you and willing to work on themselves and the marriage and say “I’m not perfect but I will try” - that’s good enough.
You’re not perfect so why expect it from someone else?
Came across this quote the other day:
"No other relationship so profoundly tests the extent of our own willingness to be flexible and forgiving, to learn and change—if we can resist the allure of self-justification. From our standpoint, therefore, misunderstandings, conflicts, personality differences, and even angry quarrels are not the assassins of love; self-justification is."
Note: Tragically, there are some circumstances where divorce is the better option (things like physical abuse etc), but I am not speaking about these extreme circumstances here but rather about expecting perfection from your spouse.